Real quick, though, I'd like to describe a bit about why I'm writing this series and what it'll be about.
I don't know a single person in this world who wouldn't tell you I'm quiet, except maybe my sister (update: my cousin, Megan, probably wouldn't say I'm quiet either). It is what I am known for, more than anything else. It is the first thing people come to realize as they get to know me, and it is that impression that takes the longest to break through to the truth of who I really am.
I am not, by nature, a quiet person. At least, I don't think I am, because I know the real me. I'm there when no one else is around. I listen to myself as I think out loud and as I sing with all the skill my untrained pipes can muster while driving the long drive to work. When the rest of the world is cut off from hearing distance of me, my voice breaks free like a leak in the Hoover Dam. And not just my voice. I have many voices to choose from. High ones and low ones, growly ones and a few that sound like chipmunks. I don't know where they come from, but I like them. And maybe it is for that reason I never let anyone hear them...more on that some other time....
It is a curious thing that I don't often talk around people. I sometimes think this is just who I am, a quiet, thoughtful guy who enjoys observing the world more than directly interacting it, perhaps as a way of improving my writing and storytelling skills. Listening, hearing the voices of everyone around me, their tones and inflections, their emotions, their motives. Maybe if I listen hard enough I'll one day be able to give the characters in my stories voices that people will believe in. But then really, how can I give someone else a voice when I won't even use mine as practice?
No, I know I'm not meant to be quiet. Because I don't like being quiet. I honestly hate it. And for years now I've been trying to figure out why I am and how to fix it. You may think it'd be easy. All I need to do is open my mouth and let something come out. Well, I've had plenty of opportunities over the years to learn to overcome my fears, and while I have improved a little, I still feel so far from where I long to be. And where is that? Somewhere where the fear was unable to follow me. Someplace where the only one whose opinion matters to me anymore is God's.
What am I afraid of? Well, hopefully this series will help both me and you understand that a little bit better, and God-willing, maybe this will help me in some way to grow a little or a lot more. Who knows, maybe He'll even use this to help me find my voice. I can only hope, because I am so tired of being asked, "Why are you so quiet?"
1 comment:
Are you serious!?!? Oh my gosh, I was always jealous because you were so good at everything you did. I still brag on you about it. I only hoped to get the grades you did. I hope you don't look at your self like that anymore. You almost had Chrish and I tearing up. I love you!(perfect of not)
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