Writing out your punctuations[period]

Time for a pet peeve [exclamation point]

Have you ever seen someone post their e[hyphen]mail address with the little punctuations in it written out between brackets [question mark] Here[apostrophe]s mine as an example [colon]

seth [dot] helpap [at] gmail [dot] com

I mean [comma] I suppose it can be helpful for those of us who have been living in a cave for the last decade and didn[apostrophe]t know that in internet termology [comma] the period is pronounced [comma] [begin quote] dot [period][end quote]

But really [comma] do we honestly need to phonetically write out the punctuations of e[hyphen]mail addresses [question mark] Maybe it[apostrophe]s just me [comma] but having to actually read what could be [comma] should be [comma] and so easily is already understood [open parentheses] or we assume most people would understand it [close parentheses] is a bit of an annoyance to have to read [period] Not to mention [comma] suppose someone out there has never typed in an e[hyphen]mail address before and doesn[apostrophe]t realize that [begin quote] dot [end quote] is really supposed to be a period [comma] and [begin quote] at [end quote] is really supposed to be this squiggle thingy [colon][begin quote] @ [end quote][period]

So there[apostrophe]s my two cents on the subject [period] If you[apostrophe]re going to type out your e[hyphen]mail address [comma] just type it as you normally would [comma] especially for the sake of those of us who like to just copy and paste the address when needed instead of typing it out ourselves [period]

Thanks [exclamation point]

Where I've been

I haven't updated in a while. And there's a reason. I think in my last entry I wrote that I haven't written lately because I just hadn't found the right time. And I guess that's sort of true, if by "right time" I am implying that my life has to be going well and I have to be feeling good and happy and all. Because these last few months, I haven't felt that great or happy, and I haven't felt much like writing.

Have you ever had one of those moments of sudden realization, where you just look back and think, "How did I not see that coming?" I had a moment like that a few weeks ago, after about a month of really struggling with a lot of things that, to be honest, hadn't really been much of a bother to me in years. I found myself in bad moods far more often than usual, I felt almost no desire to talk to my roommates about anything in my life below just the surface of "work was good," and lies I thought were long gone from my mind were suddenly flooding back into my consciousness, screaming with all their might to deafen my ears to God's truth. And I couldn't figure out why my life seemed to suck all of a sudden. Nothing had really changed in my circumstances, I wasn't depressed to be where I was and still am, life was just going on as usual.

And then I remembered: I want change in my life. This blog began out of a desire to see change come into my life. I desired to see God bring me to new places, new heights, to take me deeper in my relationship with Him and see fears I've struggled with for years disappear in the light of God's truth.

So it should come as no surprise that I found myself being bombarded with attacks meant to keep me fixed right where I've been for so long, living in fear of judgment, lacking confidence in myself.

A few years ago, I saw this poster at my church that said something like this: "When you decide to get serious about God, Satan decides to get serious about you." And more than once in my life I've seen this truth in action. If you don't bother much with pursuing the life God has for you, Satan knows he doesn't need to bother too much with you, because you aren't much of a danger to him. But when you decide to go after all that God has to offer, you become dangerous. You become a threat to the devil's plans. And he takes that very seriously.

It kind of amuses me that I found myself so caught off guard. I wonder how I didn't see it coming, why I didn't think back at the beginning of this, "I'm striving for more of what God has for me, so I better start praying and watching out now, because chances are I'm gonna be under attack." I wanted to change for the better, to become more of the man God has created me to be, so it doesn't surprise me at all now to realize that, yeah, Satan would probably want to do everything he could to try and keep me from moving in that direction. Because a guy who refuses to speak to most people, who's afraid to share his faith with others, who won't pray out loud, won't speak truth into the lives of others, who thinks it's easier just getting by than actually trying to take a risk, who'd rather go unnoticed, is no threat to the works of the enemy. And that's who I've been most of my life. But that's not who I want to be. I want to be different. I want to be me. I want to be the man God created me to be. And I know it's none of those things I just listed up there. I'm not meant to be quiet. I'm not meant to hide my faith. I'm not meant to be afraid to pray and encourage and speak truth into others. And the world, whether all of it or just a little, needs to know I'm here.

I know I'm meant to change, but it's been such a struggle, and these last few months I've more often than not found myself feeling stuck. I've found myself trapped in lies I thought I had stopped listening to so long ago, struggling with temptations and discouraging thoughts I thought I had grown beyond. And I don't really feel better yet. Some days are good, some days aren't. Some days I feel such joy and passion in life, and others, I find myself avoiding the very friends I need to talk with most, friends God has given me to teach me, to encourage me, to help me and pray for me and walk with me. It has been a time of daring to dream, then writing off those dreams as mere wastes of time. It's been a time of indecision, of wanting one thing, and then another, then back to the first, then neither. A time of weakness, and a time of overcoming. A time of faithfulness, and a time of stumbling. A time of hope, and a time of hopelessness. And it feels like just when I think I've overcome one lie, one temptation, one doubt, a stronger one enters the picture and the hope crashes once more. Or just when I feel like I've got no choice, that the decision has been made up and this pathetic excuse called contentment is all I can hope for, suddenly there is hope in my heart, and I find myself climbing out of the pit of despair into a light I didn't know was so close all along.

So that's where I've been lately, and where I still am. I hope to write more often. There have been so many things I've wanted to write about, but it's just been difficult finding the motivation. But hopefully I'll keep writing, because I really do love to.