LEGOS and an Audi, or something more...

When I was 14 years old, I biked 350 miles down the western shore of Michigan over the course of a week. That was my idea of a good summer camp experience. Regular camps where you sleep in the same cabin all week, build little crafts, sing around a camp fire, and don't go anywhere just weren't that much fun to me.

Biking that far in six and a half days is not easy, whether you're 14 or 40 (I'm guessing here; I'm not 40 yet...). You drink a ton of water, you swallow a few more bugs than you're comfortable with, and you get to eat all the Little Debbie snacks you want without a single ounce of guilt. And in between those moment: road. Lots of long, long road. Straight and winding, flat and hilly, wide and narrow. And this was back in the days before the iPod blessed the world with its existence. So you had a lot of time to think, to let your mind wander, to explore the vast reaches of your memory and wonder what this life is all about...if you're mature and do that sort of thing. I wasn't, and I didn't.

I thought about LEGOS. A lot. Specifically, this one Robin Hood-esque Castle set that had just come out. It wasn't cheap, but I had saved my money all summer for camp, and now that camp was here, I was determined to save my money straight through camp to buy that set when I got home. That may seem selfish--and yes, it was--but then there wasn't much call for money at this camp: we camped in churches and at campgrounds that had no souvenir shops, all of our food was provided, and we almost never stopped at shops to buy things. But still...LEGOS? That was my goal? That was why I worked hard to get through the week? That was the drive that kept me going?

Four years later, I undertook my first job: kitchen staff at a summer camp (the kind of camp that only moved kids in the spiritual sense of the word, not the geographical at all). It was awful, and quite arguably more sweat-filled than that bike camp (3 big ovens, no air conditioning...but the walk-in freezers felt amazing). The fact that I spent two more summers working there is proof that God has a sense of humor. And yeah, the second and third summers were both awesome, but that first one was a sheer test of endurance. My lone goal that summer: reach the fall.

Maybe I'm the only one who has had selfish or at least slightly skewed goals in life when it's come to getting through things, but if I'm not alone, then I have to wonder, why do we do that? Why do we focus so much on things that, in all honesty, aren't that great? I mean, I loved that LEGO set and played with it plenty. But now it sits on a shelf in its box, where it's been for the last eight years (update 9-2-08: my parents have informed me that a few weeks ago, that shelf decided it was tired of hanging on the wall...so the boxes have been moved). And what happened that fall after camp? I went to college and got even busier (albeit, a bit less sweaty). We focus on these things that can never really fill us, and what do such thoughts produce? Enough endurance to just get through. (Note the lack of the word "joy" in that last sentence.)

Psalm 1 is a psalm I've read a bunch of times because it's the first in the book and seems like a good place to start each time I feel like trying to tackle that book. But as I read it tonight, something in it stood out to me like never before. Verses 2 and 3 state:

"But his [a man of righteousness, referred to in verse 1] delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers."

There is so much I found myself able to pull out of that verse, but because I've already gone on too long here, I'll just mention the first thing that struck me. This man delights in the law of the LORD, and he focuses on it day and night. I don't know about you, but I can't say there have been a lot of times in my life when I could say my focus on God was that strong. I focus on a lot of things in life, dreams and goals, places I'd like to be, things I'd like to do, hopes of things yet to come, and yes, often times God is in the midst of those thoughts and dreams. But how often is He the focus? Or more than that, when I'm not dreaming of jobs I'd love to have, cars I'd like to own, or the kind of girl I'd love to marry one day, how often am I focusing on God then? When I'm just resting, just chilling out, just wasting time or having fun, is God at the focus of my life then? Sometimes. But sadly not enough to say I meditate on Him "day and night."

But that's what I want. It's what I am longing for. It's why I started this blog. I want God to be the focus of my life, the foundation, the very reason and drive behind anything I do, because I've come to realize that no matter how much I want something, no matter how far my dreams may reach, it is God who is in control and the timing of those dreams becoming reality is in His hands (for example: He didn't call me to Los Angeles until four years after I would have loved to move here...and it was worth the wait). And I know that if, by His strength and guidance I can learn to focus more on Him, I can't even begin to imagine what my life would look like as a result. To be that tree planted by His streams of life-giving water, to drink it in every moment of the day and reap blessings (and there's another post for another time: "blessings" does not mean a perfect wife, 2.4 kids, a house in Bel-Air, and an Audi RS8. Sometimes it can mean just a comforting friend who shows up just when you need them most).

"Whatever he does prospers." To me, that doesn't mean that if I can just focus on God, He will bless me with an unimaginable career as a visual effects guru in the film industry, a hot wife, some genius kids who are not only attractive but are also superb athletes with perfect teeth, and a dog that was born trained and housebroken. In all honesty, I have no idea what tomorrow holds. God may tell me suddenly to pack up and move to Djibouti to produce promotional films for a missions organization there. I may not want to do that right now, but God can totally change my heart and give me a passion for that if He wants. For a few years, I didn't want to take on the position of Lead Video Producer at the JH Ranch, but before the job even fell to me, I found within me a desire to just go for it and a confidence in my abilities that had not always been there. God can change a heart's desires, so who's to say His idea of helping me to prosper looks anything like my own ideas? All I know is, it's been my experience that when God brings about His will for my life, it is always something far better than any of my own best laid plans. It surpasses the farthest reaches of my imagination. And most of all, it draws me nearer to Him. So whatever it is He wants for me, I want that. Even if He were to tell me right now what was to come and my reaction was, "What, seriously? That? Why that? Seriously? Do I have to?" I trust He would change my mind and heart in time for Him to bring it about in my life, and on that day I would wonder how I could have ever dreaded and feared such an experience.

And all it takes is focusing my life, wholeheartedly, day and night, on God and His Word. That's all. And that's what I want for my life. Him first. The rest will follow.