I wanted to end the post by writing out who I feel like I am right now, but it was already pretty long, so I decided to make this a separate post as a way of making you, the reader, think you're reading two posts instead of one super long one (mwahaha).
So who am I? Who do I think I am? Who do I feel like I am? Well, here's what I've got, just off the top of my head. And I'm sure some things in here I'll be happy to write, some things I'll be sad to admit, some things I'll probably struggle to actually believe, and some I'll hope to not see here by the next time I write out a list like this again one day. I figure one of the best ways to really be able to look back one day and see how far God has brought me would be to write out, from time to time, just where I am or where I think I am, so that some day I can read this and think, "Whoa! What in the blue blazin' saddles of Mad Cow disease sniffing googolplexes was I thinking back then???" And yes, I hope to talk like that on a regular basis by then...
Who I am (as far as I can tell so far):
1. My name is Seth Thomas Helpap.
2. I'm 26 years old, 5'10", brown hair, grayish blue eyes, and this is starting to sound like I'm writing a personal ad...
3. I grew up in Michigan, which, contrary to the belief of many Ohians, is not actually Hell.
4. I'm an Asbury College Graduate, with a degree in Media Communications, double emphasis in Production and Multimedia Production (neither of which interest me much...).
5. I live in Los Angeles, a city I've come to love more than I could have ever guessed I would prior to living here. It feels like home.
6. I spent a year living in Atlanta once. It didn't feel like home. I heart L.A.
7. I am one of the most eclectic people I know when it comes to music. I can listen to just about anything, even a few country songs (though music with obscene lyrics is a huge turn off).
8. I'm a Disney fan. Even though my roommates respect me less for it.
9. I'm also a fan of Michael W. Smith music. Which my roommates also despise. Oh yeah, and Yanni's Live at the Acropolis. Good stuff.
10. I'm kind of a picky eater. I like simple flavors. Though I do continue to try new things every now and then to expand my horizons.
11. I refuse to drink coffee because A: I don't want to be a caffeine addict, 2: I don't want to spend my savings at Starbucks, and D: I don't like the taste anyway. Double points if you guessed "Home Alone" as the source for that awesome sub-numbering system I used there.
12. I enjoy reading children's books more than adult novels.
13. If they made those huge plastic playgrounds you see in yards these days for adults, I'd totally have one.
14. I still dream about building the perfect tree house someday.
15. I am a Jack of all Trades. I pick new things up fairly quickly to an extent, but rarely do I stick with things long enough to become really good at them.
16. Contrary to #15 up there, I have found in myself this passion for visual effects that has surpassed any passions I've held in the past, in that I've been at it for over a year now, working in it nearly every day, and I continue to desire to learn more. I have no inclination of giving it up any time soon because it's just so fun!
18. I still hope to learn to count right one of these days (see: above).
19. That was a joke. I know 17 should be there.
The real 19: I've written two novels and a memoir to date, and I can't bring myself to read either of them anymore. They're that bad. But I want to be a writer some day, just not now. Which is why I don't mind one bit that the novel I've been planning for the last 4 years is still just in the planning stages. I'll write it when it's ready.
20. I am a biking and jogging enthusiast, though I don't do either as much as I would like.
21. I am a good conversationalist who just lacks confidence when conversing with people I don't know very well (you were starting to wonder if this list was ever going to get serious, weren't you?)
22. I have been blessed with certain gifts and talents, even though I may not always recognize them or thank God enough for them or wish I had been given others. God gave me the ones I have for a reason, so I want to focus my time and energy on those, not the other stuff.
23. I really like to sing, even though I don't have the courage to even sing for myself...and this is the first one of the list to really strike a noticeable cord in my heart...I need to get over that fear.
24. I am a drummer who needs to work up the courage to ask his church if they need any more drummers for the worship team.
25. I am a romantic, but thankfully no longer a romantic idealist.
26. My age!
27. The age I was kind of hoping to get married at....see part #2 for more details if you skipped it :)
28. I am a man who desires to desire God more.
29. I am a man who longs to love God more than he will his future wife.
30. I am a man who is willing to be single my entire life if it's what God wants, though I really hope it isn't.
31. I am a man who can now admit it is possible to think I've heard something from God, only to learn later that I was wrong.
32. I am blessed with friends I don't deserve, friends I push away, friends who chase me when I run.
33. I feel unworthy of the grace I've been given, the seconds chances I've been blessed with.
34. I am more impatient than I let on.
35. I hold too much in. I hide too much away.
36. I am still a coward.
37. I don't feel as free as I am.
38. I still listen to lies.
39. I still lack confidence.
40. I am very thankful for how much God reminds me He is continuing what He is doing in me, and when I stumble and fall, He doesn't just leave me there but helps me to get back up and keep moving forward.
41. I am a child of God.
42. I know that the confidence I lack, the courage I don't feel, are found in God, and I am striving to deepen my relationship with Him to find freedom from my fears.
43. I fear judgment everywhere. I worry about what people think too much, from the things I say to the clothes I wear, the movies I watch to the music I listen to, the books I read to the way I pray. I hold back because I don't know how those around me will react.
44. I may struggle to remember it, but I know the battle is already won!
45. I love chocolate and vanilla ice cream scooped into a cone together.
46. I look forward to having both a dog and kids some day, though other people's kids make me uncomfortable, and I don't have the time to take care of a dog right now (silly commute).
47. I long to travel the world some day.
48. I look terrible in just about any hat.
49. I am more attractive than I believe some days.
50. I am changing.
Ok, that's enough for now. I'm sure I could go on, but I'd say 50 is a good start.
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