So....Where to begin this one? How about in the future!
In exactly less than a month, my one and only sister will be getting married! Which is super awesome for her but will likely suck a bit for me because as soon as she's officially tied the knot, everyone I know will most likely, at some point or another, in some form or fashion, say to me, "now it's your turn." The unfortunate fate of the younger sibling, to be reminded by your loved ones that you're still single and not getting any younger.
Wow, that sounds really bitter. Haha, no, I'm in no hurry to get married (though if all my friends marry off first and leave me roommate-less, I might feel more inclination to hurry then). But I'm not really looking forward to the "your turn" comments, because the way I look at it, I'm not the one in control here. God knows who I should marry and when she and I will be ready to be together, so there isn't much I can do to hurry that along, except trust God and live for Him in the here and now...which still doesn't actually guarantee I'm not supposed to be single forever...darn it, this post is not supposed to be about me, nor about marriage and singleness. How did I get off on this tangent?
Okay. Let's leave the future and return to wherever this post was meant to go...
If either of the two of us deserves to receive the gift and blessing of a spouse and the incredible joys of marriage, it's my sister, Sara. She doesn't hear it from me nearly often enough, but I think she is an amazing person. She has a deep love for God, a servant's heart, a passion for life, and inspiring faithfulness. And unlike me, she was born to sing; it may not be the talent that's providing for her at the moment, but it's definitely one of her greatest gifts, which she has used so much over the years to bless so many people (though I have to admit, I looked forward to her leaving for college back in the day because it meant no more singing in the shower while I was trying to watch TV).
My sister and I are kind of polar opposites in a lot of ways, actually. She sings, I don't. She's talkative and a people person, I'm quiet and shy. She is a fan of just about any food in existence, and I stick to a handful of basic meals most days...she can also cook really well, and I can't....And one of the biggest differences I've come to realize over the last few years: she is one of the bravest people I know, and I grew up avoiding conflict.
This is going to make me look terrible, but here goes...
My sister is not one to shy away or back down when faced with a challenge. I can think of a lot of examples here, but the one that stands out most in my memory has to do with the school bus and snow. We grew up in Michigan, and when we were younger, we got some pretty sweet snowfalls in the winters up there. But seeing as it's Michigan, school rarely closed. When we reached middle school, we had to start riding a bus since school was no longer just a block away. Every morning, we would walk to our old elementary school to wait for our bus to come pick us up, and when it got cold in the winter, they would open the school doors to let us wait inside where it was warm.
Unfortunately, there was this one kid in my sister's grade who was not a fan of my sister. To him, she was the easiest target to pick on and make fun of as a way of seeking attention or trying to be popular or play the part of the rebel or whatever the motivation was. And on those cold winter days, he would sometimes let the doors close and lock again before she and I arrived, locking us both outside in the cold. Sara, knowing full well she had just as much right as anyone to wait inside with everyone else, would bravely stand there at the doors and knock until one of the other kids finally let her in....But where was I for all of this? I was 30 feet away, pacing around the edges of a sandbox in the snow, avoiding the whole battle.
I was more willing to walk around in the snow and the cold air and wait for the bus by myself than to stand there beside my sister and knock as well. I left her on her own and ran from the conflict, from the laughter, from the embarrassment of being the one locked out. And it happened more than once.
It wasn't the only time I wasn't brave enough to stand up for my sister, I'm ashamed to say. Sara faced her fair share of social challenges growing up, and she met them head on with such determination to overcome them and experience that freedom to be herself no matter what others thought. I went the opposite direction. I watched her face ridicule, and instead of learning from her example and standing up for myself when the jokes came my way, I learned to fear the laughter, and so I did everything I could to avoid putting myself in situations where those around me had a chance to have a laugh at my expense. I saw the cost of battling social cruelty, the strength it took to stand true, and when I didn't find it in myself, I turned and ran, because I found it easier to be the weird kid who's strangely quiet than the kid who stands up even in the face of cruelest laughter.
I'm quiet because I'm too afraid to get laughed at. And that's the third reason.
I was no knight in shining armor when my sister needed one, and for that I am sorry. I wish I could go back and tell my twelve year old self, "Dude, I know cold weather isn't that hard to put up with, but seriously, it sucks man, and it's unhealthy. Go get in that building, even if you have to beat that glass on the door until it breaks." True, the school administrators might have seen it as vandalism on my part, no matter what the other kids were doing, but it would have been better than the path I chose.
Sara, if you're reading this (which I'm sure you will be at some point; you're the only person who tells me regularly what you think of my posts), I want you to know I'm sorry I wasn't the princely brother you deserved growing up. I think you grew up to be an incredible, talented, and brave woman, and I am proud to call you my sister. I love you very much and I can't wait to watch you walk down that aisle in a few weeks (though I have to admit, as your photographer, I may spend part of that time sprinting down the side aisle in order to capture the moment from as many angles as possible...so please, if you would, walk slowly :) ).
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